Passing the Offering Plate

this post from stuffchristianslike@blogspot.com made me laugh out loud when I read it.

I thought it was appropriate for us :)



It's entitled: Folding Under the Pressure of Passing the Offering Plate.


Now, you probably all know what most people’s top fears are: death, public speaking, the lead singer of Sonseed chasing you through a dark alley (once I tried to run, I tried to run and hide), etc.

Well, my number one fear is one that is not as common, but is just as real: being called on by the head usher to pass the offering plate. In the days of my youth, (no lie) I stopped attending Sunday night church because the main Sunday night usher would ask me to do the offering every week. I was afraid of folding under the pressure.
This is the reason my palms are sweaty during the greet-those-around you time—not because of my lack of social skills—but because I know what’s coming next, for the bulletin tells me so.

At church this weekend, I witnessed an offering tragedy that left me shaking in my penny loafers. As the offering was making its sweep through the congregation, the ushers both passed their plates down my row. What resulted is what I like to call an Offering Train Wreck. The money exploded out of the plates and the offering guitarista broke two strings while triple strumming some Shane & Shane song, causing the powerpoint screen to rip in half. Okay, that is a *slight* exaggeration, but it is exactly why I don’t want to have anything to do with passing the plate.

As a great comic book sage once said, “With great power, comes great responsibility.”



What other offering shenanigans have you witnessed? Here are a few of my favorites:



1. In No Man’s Land: When there are 20 spaces between you and the next person on your row, so you have to awkwardly scoot/walk all the way over to the next person to hand them the offering plate (especially when they don't meet you 50/50).



2. The Plate Toss: This event has not come to pass yet, but the day I give in to my uncontrollable urge to throw the offering plate like a throwing star, Frisbee, or perhaps even a discus is coming soon.



3. Hot Plate!: This is a game I invented in my head to make the offering portion of the worship service a little more like hot potato or musical chairs. The guitarista or pianissimo is playing music during the offering and stops at random intervals. Whenever the music stops, whoever is holding the plate has to drop in a 20 dollar bill. That would really add some razzle dazzle to the plate passing portion of the service.



None of this is meant to be an endorsement of any kind of unorthodox offering hijinks, but I’m sure you have your own offering shenanigan stories full of tomfoolery and, in some cases, uninhibited frivolity (which is frowned upon in most denominations). Please share your stories so I won’t be alone in my fear of messing up the offering.p.s. You can find more of Curtis at viciousbandnames.blogspot.com
Posted by Prodigal Jon at 3:00 AM 14 comments